Genuinely the explanation of a fellow Community Councillor, reporting that the worst of the post-storm mess had been cleared up far sooner than we’d expected.
January 7th 2024
After the rain, that dreadful rain,
We all of us were worried
About the gravel and mud washed over our roads
Making cars slide, choking gullies.
And thus we started wondering:
Could someone with a digger
Go out with their scraper blade
And smooth our lanes, with vigour?
So Farmer S, he volunteered:
Said he’d ask around, that man did –
But not long after, he sent a message
Which had us all confounded…
NO NEED TO WORRY ANY MORE,
MAIN ROUTE CLEAR AND CLEAN;
And the only explanation could be –
The Road Fairies had been!
Now you probably have an idea
Of how all fairies look
From the really pretty pictures
In your childhood bedtime books;
But Road Fairies do not conform
To the typical appearance:
They have to be made of rather stern stuff
To meet the challenges of highway clearance.
They don’t have the peach-smooth bodies of girls
Who look as light as a feather;
They are sixteen stone if they’re an ounce,
With skin as tough as leather.
Their hats aren’t bluebell flowers,
Which wouldn’t last that long
When patching potholes with tarmac
While winter gales blow strong!
Do Road Fairies drink flowerdew before each busy day?
I rather think it’s builders’ tea which sees them on their way.
Do kind bees bake them honey cake, and teach them how to fly…?
Most Road Fairies can’t defy gravity, and they get their strength from pies.
In the evening do they curl up snugly
Beneath an oak tree’s roots?
No, they fall asleep in front of the telly, perhaps still in their boots.
No dancing in the moonlight, that’s not their idea of night-time fun;
Under those orange coats, have they lacy wings…?
I’ll let you ask that one!
Anyway all of us know, for we heard long ago
That fairy folk are nice;
And some sweet little sprites think it’s charming for us
When they sprinkle snowdrops in frost and ice.
But when push comes to shove, and the Harford road
Is blocked by a bloody great flood –
To answer our prayers, send the hairy Road Fairies:
They’re the ones who can really do good!
© Christopher Jessop 2024
