Two stalwart members of the Amateur Dramatic Society are heading a long way east; they shall be missed, but we can all understand the draw of the family… As the village Colin and Jenny are moving to has its own Amateur Dramatic Society, and they are already keen to join, I thought I’d pen them a letter of introduction which should guarantee them good rôles in their first Kent show. The poem follows a couple of recent calm evening photos.
LETTER OF INTRODUCTION
If you need a man to play a giant, or
A lady for Peter Pan,
Or someone to sing the song “LNG”
Again, and again, and again…
And if you don’t mind folk making wrong entrances
Who then go on to steal the scene–
Then look no further than this fine pair:
Colin and Jenny Green!
A stuck-up Victorian aunty,
A Cordon Bleu chef self-obsessed:
Not ever did either forget any lines
Or trample the plot to a mess.
A batty but murderous gardener,
A copper who hadn’t a clue:
There wasn’t in all of their DADS years
One rôle which the Greens wouldn’t do.
So we send you these dear friends recommended:
They’ll tackle all manner of scripts;
Except if you’re doing Hair they might refuse to go bare –
Down in Dale we don’t do boobs and bits.
But we do fire some actors from cannons,
And let them get pie-eyed on booze
So as amateur actors don’t get any pay
Try the Greens: you have nothing to lose!
Well, I say that; but there is one serious risk,
And I think that you should be aware…
It’s just this: when you get to the tea break,
Will all the Digestives be there?
I think it’s because it’s the Green Room
That Colin thinks it belongs all to him:
To be sure that he fits in his costume –
You must padlock the group’s biscuit tin!
But provided you take all precautions
And weigh all your actors each week
The Greens will both prove such an asset,
As you strive to get bums sat on seats.
So as we bid Au Revoir to these fine folk
Departing, no matter how we begged–
To them, and to all Kentish amdrams,
We say, loud and clear, BREAK A LEG!!!